The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Did you just see the Batmobile???
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
