FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
birth control should be required to get into college
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
