I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
