I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
