yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
