That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
