how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
