So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
