At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
