Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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