you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
