the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
