You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
