so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
