jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
