High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
