your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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