what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
