Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
bring money and cleavage
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
