i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Actions speak louder than pants.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
