You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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