I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
