dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
