oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
