Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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