Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
