the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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