wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
