I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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