kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Randomize
