dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
