I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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