When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
