I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
