Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
3 2 1 whiskey
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
