Your mouth is God's brothel.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
