i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
