people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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