I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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