Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize