She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
