lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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