Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
