I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
