see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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