She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
