dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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