So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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