There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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