you would pick up someone in the library
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
