Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
