Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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