Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
