i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
