i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
mondays should just be called national damage control day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
