Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
