Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
