oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
