Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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