I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
