You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
