would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
