there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
