You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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