You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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