You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
