i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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