Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
