I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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